Facebook, Smalltalk and Eye Stalkers

I had a discussion with a friend at dinner the other night about Facebook, a common topic of late. He and his wife have been rather resistant to signing on-they both work some pretty busy schedules-and I of course tried to give them every reason why they should, etc., etc. However, my buddy and his wife explained to me that it wasn't so much their busy schedule that prevented them from joining Facebook, but instead the fact that they just preferred to not have to speak with a lot more people than they already do day to day. Hey, I can totally understand that and I understand what they're saying, but I think they fail to realize the true beauty of Facebook and some of its fringe benefits. Let me explain...

First of all, as much as I am an outgoing, social guy, I generally HATE small talk. I hate it worse than I hate having to deal with Hodge's boring, often repetitive wall postings, but sometimes it's just a part of life. You're standing in line at Motor Vehicles or the Deli or the bank and you see that guy looking at you, you just know he wants to say something to you that's about as f**king relevant as what color underwear J Lo is wearing today (well, OK that could be mildly relevant). You try to avoid his stare but you accidentally lock eyes with him and it's "Hey, so you think this line could get any longer?". Now you're screwed, unless you want to pull the all time dick move of just totally ignoring him. I never do, though I wish I had the sack for it, "Yeah, pretty busy in here today," I reply. This usually sets off a chain reaction of mindless, pathetic and useless conversation that serves no purpose other than to keep the person who started it from feeling "left out" of life I suppose, and I guess that's why I always oblige, as much as I hate it.

Well, in the Facebook world, the wonderful thing is that first of all most of our "friends" are people that know each other at least a little bit. Sure there are those chicks that you friended at 3:00 am after searching "hot chick in Brazil" and somehow magically she said yes, but for the most part these are people you might actually want to speak to from time to time. However, even those you don't know very well are people that if you saw them in a bar/mall you'd probably be OK having a conversation with. So, here in the land of Facebook what you can do is have a combination of real and genuine conversations, and some that are just those same kinda mindless quick little anecdotal ones, but with people who generally aren't also possible serial killers!

Seriously though, my point is that what a utility like Facbook helps facilitate is staying connected. All too often we forget that just because we're busy with work, kids, jobs, hobbies, medical issues, money, sex(or lack of...sorry Jason!) or whatever, that almost everyone else out there is dealing with the same stuff day to day; we all have the same 24 hours in a day as the next person. As much as a little comment on someone's Status of "Hey, me too!" or "That's so funny" is not real dialogue or anything that will likely result in a deep discussion about Dada-ism or the Crusades, it's a sign that someone is paying attention and willing to be connected to you. Is it smalltalk? Of course, but it's absent of the oddness and unfamiliarity that so often goes hand in hand with the in-person variety, even when it's with someone you don't know very well. Do I really think that Mike Kreps cares what I am doing at every minute or that I think a particular tune is cool, etc? Probably not, though he seems like a great guy and will occasionally chime in on something I have to say. Does Neil Andrews want to come down to Glastonbury and drink Patron shots next weekend and talk about the Insurance industry? Very unlikely, but he still makes comments, as do I, on various shenanigans, and I like that. Will Debbie Quinn start weeping uncontrollably if I tell her I got my "stuff" caught in my zipper again the other day? No, though she should as it really f**king hurt! OK, so most people are going to laugh at this anyway, but what I am saying is that Facebook has created this intriguing second family of sorts that let's you stay connected to and in touch with, even on a superficial level at times, a great deal of people you wouldn't likely be communicating with. I find that fascinating and pretty enjoyable at times.

So, as for the "fringe benefits" of Facebook. Well, as much as I have focused this post on the casual small talk variety of conversation that goes on here, I really feel like it's also helped foster some decent friendships that either never existed or had fizzled for whatever reason. I know that people's children and families will always be, and should, the number one priority in their lives but I can't help think that a place like Facebook has helped a number of people, including myself, feel like there are more people out there in the world that feel like they matter and have friends that care about how they're doing and how they feel, etc. As much as I constantly hear the argument that Facebook/Texting/Email is causing a great disconnect among society I have to say I feel like it's actually the opposite. If I had not signed on to this site I would still have a decent amount of friends and I'd still be a nutjob, but I wouldn't have the same feeling of satisfaction as I do from having this "second family" around me at all times...even if half of them think I should be locked up!

As for my friend and his wife, well, they likely still wont sign on and that's OK. Facebook is not for everyone and not everyone wants to be connected. As much as I hate inane smalltalk I can't deny that the variety that exists on here is entertaining and strangely addicting. If that results in all of us never leaving our houses in 20 years then I guess this Social Networking thing will have failed but I honestly don't see that. I see a future where people will get back to wanting to meet new people and actually caring about what they might have to say, no matter how irrelevant or boring it may be. Hopefully it extends to the real world as well, and I have a feeling it might, and vice versa. Hell, maybe the guy at Panera who "eye stalked" me the other day until I nodded and he proceeded to tell me about his love of Bagels will have 50,000 friends on here by 2021! In the meantime, I am enjoying my 174.

A Fantastic Weekend...With One Exception

So as many of you Facebookers have seen/heard, this weekend was my (and many others) 20 year High School reunion. With the help of Facebook, many of those folks that are not as outgoing (or uhh, totally deranged depending on how you look at it) as myself likely felt much more comfortable and relaxed at the event, and hopefully made some new friends they might never have imagined they would have had. In any case, it was a fantastic time for apparently all involved.

My plan for the reunion Saturday night was to talk to not only the "Facebookers" and old friends I had, but to make an effort to really reach out to and talk with those I didn't know in high School and some that, for whatever reason, might not have really liked me all that much (I know, it seems IMPOSSIBLE!). As much as I like to think I was always a swell guy and friendly to everyone, I know there were times back then that I wasn't as inclusive or welcoming to others as I should have been, though I don't feel I was ever outwardly mean; I just know High School was a time when all of us could have used more moments of inclusion and kindness. Well, I failed pretty miserably at this mission.

I did speak with a few people that are not on Facebook, and I exchanged some pleasantries with former classmates that I never really knew, but that was not the plan. The plan was to truly talk with everyone there, including their spouses/dates and really make a solid effort to not only recruit them to Facebook, but to get to know them and say "You know, I wish I had tried to get to know you back in High School". Hey, I am not an idiot, and I understand that maybe some people just won't gel well with my personality, now or then, and I don't have a misguided desire to be friends with every person I ever come in contact with, but I honestly wanted to do a better job than I did this weekend.
The whole event went by so fast, with the drinking and the madness with the always entertaining Jason Hodge, the scurrying around for after party plans, etc; it's understandable that I couldn't be expected to have long, deep conversations with everyone, but I wish I tried harder.

At the end of the day I know that everyone has their own families and friends, as do I, and not having me say hello and try to re-introduce myself to them will certainly not result in them losing sleep or living an unfulfilled life - I am not that self-absorbed to think I matter to anyone that much - I just think it would have been the right thing to do. At these events, many people (especially the shy ones and the spouses who scour the room desperate to see anyone they might know from another part of their lives so they can do something other than sit their by themselves...glancing repeatedly at their watch) just eat their food, smile and nod as others pass their table and try to put on a happy face but never have the courage to "make the move" and go out amongst the crowd and strike up a conversation - hey I am married to a classic example of this! So, I suppose in some way I feel, being blessed/cursed with an outgoing and unbridled personality, that I should be someone that makes the effort and tries to bring everyone together. Well, I didn't do as well as I would have liked and although it won't cause any lifelong scars to those that attended, it kinda bums me out now that it's over.

Overall, it was a fantastic and fun filled night, complete with the requisite Abare/Hodge mayhem and many wonderful pictures, conversations and stories. I hope all that attended had a great time and are looking forward to the next one, and I can assure you that come that next Reunion, whether I am stricken with laryngitis or 10 beers deep trying to outpace Hodge, I will have had a genuine conversation with everyone there...whether they like it or not!