Why do we "Facebook"?

The crew from Howard Stern returned from one of their (many) summer breaks and a topic of discussion was one of the staff's addiction to Facebook, mainly posting blogs and chatting with old friends, etc. I listed for about 10 minutes while Howard, Robin,Artie and Fred (the main "characters" if you're not a regular listener) bashed the poor guy, trying to make him feel like an idiot for getting involved in what they felt like was an utter waste of time and nothing short of pathetic. They went around the room bashing him for being so arrogant as to think anyone cared about his posts or friends and essentially that it was all just a huge waste of time, although one of them at least commented that it was a "cool website". I am a big fan of the Stern show, and I respect many of Howard's opinions, but on this topic I think he's just dead wrong.

I have barely been on Facebook for a week and I have already connected (or re-connected) with a number of High School friends that I haven't seen, or in many cases heard from, in 20 years. Some of the connections I have made are with people I wasn't necessarily that close with while in school and possibly with some that weren't even that big a fan of mine all those years ago! I think many of us knew somewhere in the backs of our alcohol/pot/college-obsess

ed/sports-soaked/sex-addicted minds in High School that there would come a day when we would meet up with some of these kids we walked by every day in the halls and either ignored or mistreated, but we chose to suppress any notion of that to continue to focus on the kids/groups we were most comfortable with. It seemed very important at the time to align yourself with those best suited to enable your desires and addictions or make you feel best about youself or place in the world. Of course, as years pass, even though we remain friends with some of those same people, we learn that High School was really just a big vat of insecure kids who had no idea what the f**k was going on and how to best navigate through those challenging waters. This included the brainiacs and uber-students, as they were often some bogged down in obsessive studying and/or college prep that they often couldn't see outside of their narrow channel and understand what the real world was really going to be all about. Myself, being very far from a great student and intrigued more by the combination of Pink Floyd and various smokeable plants than any book driven or real world education, well, I just kinda went with the flow, and along the way made a few very close friends and possibly turned some others against me. So how does this relate to Facebook?

For years after High School I would think, as many people did, "If I could only go back I would probably..." and this could be finished by a number of things including being more studious, friendlier to others, outgoing, less distracted, a better athlete, etc etc. Well, one of the things I often finish that sentence with is that ...I would probably try to be a friend to everyone. That being said, I do feel like during at least a part of my High School years I was a pretty genuine and outwardly friendly guy. However, I know that if the sum total of my experience during those years was added up and analyized I could have done a far better job being more inclusive and less obsessed with maintaining certain alliances and perceptions. Don't get wrong, I LOVED High School and those years were precious to me in many ways, but I think I left there not being the best almost-man I could have been. I suppose this (finally!) is where Facebook comes in...

It todays' universe there is no doubt we are far less connected people. When is the last time any of us ever wrote an actual letter and mailed it? Everything is quick emails and text and the occaisonal cell phone conversation or voice mail message, and these are generally with those we already know. How often does anyone get the chance to, or bother to make an attempt to, reach out to someone they never knew that well? That usually ends up far down the list of "priorities" and we've become a slightly more isolated and somewhat lost species because of that. The landscape of Facebook not only fascilitates conversation between existing friends and family but it encourages conversation with those who may be, or had been, outside your circle. For me, it's become a place to reach out to old friends that I was close with day to day as well as some I was not but wished I was. It's a vehicle for making personal connections that maybe should have been made before but probably weren't because we were all just scared kids trying to fit in amongst our previously chosen little "gangs", and even sometimes that was a struggle. Although the world of Facebook is still a digital one, it's one that not only aids in communication but it actually encourages it beyond anything simple email could ever do. Does someone from 20 years ago that I may have only spoken with in the halls 10 or 15 times care that "Dave is lsitening to Interpol right now" or that my mood is "Content"? At the end of the day probably not but I know for me it's not whether they care about me and my moods and everyday goings on, but that many of us have found a place where we're in some ways just those same young kids looking for a place to fit in and have some fun. The difference now is that twenty years of life experience has removed the inhibitions and fears, for the most part, and we're free to befriend anyone that we might not have make an effort to in the past, and that in itself can not be a bad thing.

Who knows if Facebook will be here in 20 years, and I am not foolish enough to think that I will have long and personal relationships with everyone I went to High School with or worked with or played football with so many years ago. However, if through this social networking site I can re-connect with those I have missed, and make new friends with those I never took the time to get to know enough, well then this place is not only a "cool website", but a magnificent instrument of human relationships.